Thursday, August 27, 2009

I stole this from someone

I stole this from someone on FB. While Banana is not ready for school yet, I know it will be here before I know it, and Little Man will follow shortly after.

I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

World, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress.. with two brown eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I Trust You'll Treat Her Well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day at school.

And never again will she be completely mine...

Prim and proud, she'll wave a young and independent hand this morning, and say goodbye and walk with little-lady steps to the nearby schoolhouse...

Gone will be the chattering little hoyden who lived only for play, and gone will be the delightful little gamin who roamed the yard like a proud princess with nary a care in her little world.

Now, she will learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called...

She will learn to tune her little-girl ears for the sound of school bells, and for deadlines...

She will learn to giggle and gossip... and to look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue.
Now she will learn to be jealous...and now she will learn how it is to feel hurt inside...and now she will learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch while an ant scurries across a crack in the sidewalk...
Or will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew.

Now she will worry about important grades...and what dresses to wear...and whose best friend is whose.

Now she will worry about the little boy who pulls her hair at recess time... and staying after school...and which little girls like which little boys...And the magic of books and knowledge will soon take the place of the magic of her blocks and dolls.

And she'll find her new heroes. For five full years I've been her sage and Santa Claus...her pal and playmate...her parent and friend.
Now, alas, she'll learn to share her worship and adoration with her teachers (which is only right).

No longer will her parents be the smartest, and greatest in the world.

Today, when the first school bell rings, she'll learn how it is to be a member of the group...with all its privileges, and, of course, its disadvantages, too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies don't laugh out loud...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or watch ants scurry across the cracks in a summer sidewalk...

Today, she'll begin to learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. That "the group" can be a demanding mistress... and I'll stand on the porch and watch her start out on the long, long journey to becoming a woman.

So WORLD, I BEQUEATH TO YOU TODAY ONE LITTLE GIRL in a crispy dress, with two brown eyes, a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.


AUTHOR: Dan Valentine

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Jersey Devil, Poisoned Coffee and BBC...

Nothing I do is ever boring. You add in my BFF Peaches and you are in for a wild time.

Peaches and I drove up to CT to visit some of our other friends. Everything was going wonderfully until we hit Jersey. First we hit Dunkin' Donuts. Which usually has the best coffee and the best donuts. Well not this one. The coffee tasted strange and the muffin and donut were stale. We chalked it up to being a late night. It was like 1100 at this point.

We notice we are at about half a tank, so we stop for gas. In Jersey you can't pump your own gas. So this crazy short guy comes over and Peaches gives him her credit card. We tell him we aren't really sure what to do, as we are not from around there.

"Where you from?"


"Where you going?"

"To visit our friend in..." "Why you go?" We look at each other at this point. He can't SERIOUSLY be asking us this. "She is getting a divorce." "Why? Oh he was not good at sex right?" Wha? "ummm" "He must have little cock. She need big black cock. I have big cock, but a lady wouldn't have intercourse with me (changed from the four letter word he used). She said it too small. But it's big."

At this point we weren't really sure what to do. The dude had her credit card. Finally he gave it back to her and we were off. The directions took us on a back country road. I casually brought up the Jersey Devil. The street lights in front of us started going out. Holy Hell it is the Jersey Devil! That demon chased us all the way through Mawah (which is pronounced like a kissing noise. Peaches and I have decreed it so) to the crazy hotel guy.

Onto the crazy hotel guy... Have you ever seen someone get mad at directions? This dude did. He flipped out at how bad they were. He gave some sketchy directions and we headed on our way.

Well crap he told us to stay on 287 crap crap crap all we see is 95 North. So with some trepidation we head on 95 North. This can't be right. So we go to a gas station. We see a couple of construction guys coming in after us. Here it is 1 am two girls who have no clue where they are, a poorly lit gas station. I ask the gas station attendant how to get to M. CT to get to our friend's house.

The douche points to the map on the wall. But the construction worker jumps in and gives us great directions.

Finally after 13 hours on the road, we arrive safely at our destination.

Friday to come next!