Friday, February 19, 2010

A New Page

I love to cook, and I love to bake. A good friend of mine says cooking is fun and baking is relaxing. I agree. I could lose myself in a kitchen all day.

I have decided I need a new hobby.

I am going to become a cake decorator. I made Banana's birthday cake and decorated it using the single star tip. Yes it took me like 3 hours to do it, but it was worth and SO relaxing. I loved it.

Well my parents have seen how excited I am about cake decorating. They are taking me to the local craft store to sign me up for the Wilton Course 1 tomorrow afternoon.

I have not been this excited about anything in a very long time.

Not only with cake decorating itself, but the designing of cakes. I got out my 60$ colored pencils and designed my first cake. The reason I point out the cost of these pencils is they have not seen the light of day since probably 2002.

Not only has the love of cake decorating surfaced. My love of drawing and art has resurfaced. Once again I have colors and images swirling in my head. My hands itch to put these creations on paper. I can't wait to wake up in the morning and draw these pictures.

I won awards in high school and college for my art work. Most colored pencil and pastel work. One water color won me a $300 prize.

I drug out my canvasses again and am contemplating investing in another water color set.

It is nice to feel like the old me. I have missed you.

(Dear Peaches and Alexis, I have designed the logo for our bakeshop btw)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Another Angel

X had her baby last night. It only took 2 1/2 hours. They had a son. He has a playmate waiting for him.

Someone asked on my mommy board if you believe in Karma. I can't believe in Karma. Because what could I have done that was so terrible I deserved to lose a baby? What could X have done that was so terrible she deserved to lose a baby?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

FU Weather

I just talked to my mother in law and they have pushed X's induction off until Saturday. It is because of the weather. FU weather, FU.

Monday, February 8, 2010

What is family?

There was a thread on my mommy board about how much help your parents give you. The answers varied from "Help us? Ha we help them" to "My parents pay my bills every month". This got me thinking about my family.

There is no denying that my family is close. We spend holidays together, and sometimes we even just hang out. In fact one time Big Man was at his podcast and my parents came over and watched a movie.

Well this past Sunday I went grocery shopping with my dad. The roads were bad, but we needed things so instead of 2 vehicles going out we car pooled. We also shared one cart, as there were not many carts left with no snow on them.

When it came I went to pull out my wallet to pay, my dad said "Don't worry I'll pay for it." It wasn't much probably 20-30$ worth of stuff. I thanked him, but didn't make a big deal about it.

Today my parents called to ask if Big Man would mind clearing out their extra parking spot. He went over without a second thought. Then they took us out for dinner. Tomorrow night I am making chicken and dumplings and they are invited.

In 4 or 5 years, when they retire and sell their home, they are going to use some of the profit (the other part is going to my brother Surprise Mr. Penguin if you are reading this) to go as a down payment on a house.

Some people on the board would say "Well they should use that money for their retirement. They don't want you to be grown up. They want to keep a hold on you."

Well none of that is true.

They are going to live with us. My dad is getting older, and hates the idea of an assisted living facility. By moving in with Scott and I, my mom will have help taking care of my dad. There is no way she could take care of him by herself. I know he will know what we are doing, but hopefully he will be more ok with this, than a "home".

I guess the whole point of this ramble is, isn't this what families are for? To help take care of each other? Can't a family member just do something nice? Monetarily or not? We can't pay my parents back for the money they have given us. But we do for them what we can.
I love my parents, and I love my brother. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. And I know if the chips are down, they would do whatever they can to help me.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Welcome to the Club....

that no one wants to be in.

Big Man's cousin X (not her real initial) is almost 4 months pregnant. She has been having spotting since the beginning of her pregnancy. Everything looked ok until this last sonogram.

The baby has no amniotic fluid. They go in for a repeat sonogram on Monday. But it looks like she is headed down the same road we took with Sara.

My heart breaks for her on so many levels. Not only is she losing her baby, but she and her husband are both devout Catholics. Only X's mom, aunt, Big Man and I know what choice they are actually going to be making. But both X and Y (her husband) know this will be the healthier choice in the long run for X.

I just wish we were closer than we are.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

3 years ago

Well Banana it was 3 years ago today that I had my 39 week check up and my favorite doctor at my OB practice said I needed to go to L&D because my blood pressure was getting high.

As I left the parking lot to go back to work, it started to sleet and snow. It was our first ice storm of the season. I called Big Man and told him. "Dr. D thinks it is time. Get your butt to my office." We worked about 20 minutes from each other at that point.

I told my boss that I had to go, that today was probably going to be the day. My co-workers wished me well and off Big Man and I went.

We arrived at L&D to be greeted by Dr. D who was starting her shift. She got me set up in triage and started the blood work and monitoring. She told me that, the on call doctor on Saturday the 3rd was one I didn't like. That if I wanted to go home, to come back on Sunday at 830 am when Dr D. came back on call and to tell the them that I was having contractions and Dr. D. would induce me on Sunday the 4th (Superbowl Sunday).

Well it turns out my numbers came back a little high, so Dr. D. said "Tonight's the night!".

I had planned trying to go all natural. With no epidural.

Big Man went down to the car to get our things, Jeopardy was on when Dr. D. came in and ruptured my membranes (Aka broke my water) so it was about 730. By the time she was done, Big Man was back. They got the pitocin going as well.

About an hour later I was 3 centimeters and the nurse came in. She asked how I was feeling. I told her I was a little uncomfortable, and was thinking about getting an epidural. She said that if I wanted one the anesthesiologist was on the floor now and he could do it now, she wasn't sure when he would be back up. There had been several accidents because of the ice.

So I said Sure send him in.

I got my epi and let me tell you it was wonderful. 10 Things I Hate About You came on the TV which is funny because that is one of my favorite movies. Big Man promptly fell asleep. Which kind of upset me, but then I remembered he had been up since 5 am.

When 10 Things ended Dr. D came back in and checked me I was at 5. She said she would be back at midnight. A Knight's Tale came on and I drifted in and out of sleep. When she came back she asked me "Would you be opposed to having a C-Section? You are at the highest level of pit and it is just not doing anything. I know you don't like Dr. X (their practice's on call doctor)".

"I'll take the section."

Dr. D said she would come back and check me at 2 am and if I was still at 5 we would do the c-section. I was like cool whatever.

Well at 2 am I was still at 5. So Dr. D went to go get let them know we would be doing a section. The nurse said she was surprised I was not upset. She said lots of women cry when the C-Section choice is made.

My comment to her was, I have lost one baby. I do not care how this one gets here as long as I get to take her home.

A side note. I know a lot of women have these grand ideas and expectations of child birth. To some it is the ultimate expression of motherhood.

My view on pregnancy and childbirth is skewed. I don't care HOW the baby gets here, drug me and cut me open, push it out of my hoo-haa, WHATEVER. Just as long as I get to go home with a baby. My birth plan will now and forever be, just to come home with a baby. Motherhood is not defined by how the baby got here. In fact some of the best mothers I know didn't give birth to their children, or carry them in their stomachs.

I remember looking at the clock in the OR, it was 230 AM. At 2:37 AM on 2/3/07 my daughter came screaming into the world. After giving birth to a silent baby, that scream was the sweetest sound ever.

You were beautiful.

Even at a day old you were trying to lift your head up and look around. You were bright eyed and alert from the very beginning. You were so special. You still are.

I have big dreams for you Monkey. You are so smart, you could be president, or a great diplomat. With your love of dance (You were dancing before you could walk) you could be a prima ballerina.

I want to give you the world. I want you to conquer it. But most of all I want you to be happy.