Tuesday, February 2, 2010

3 years ago

Well Banana it was 3 years ago today that I had my 39 week check up and my favorite doctor at my OB practice said I needed to go to L&D because my blood pressure was getting high.

As I left the parking lot to go back to work, it started to sleet and snow. It was our first ice storm of the season. I called Big Man and told him. "Dr. D thinks it is time. Get your butt to my office." We worked about 20 minutes from each other at that point.

I told my boss that I had to go, that today was probably going to be the day. My co-workers wished me well and off Big Man and I went.

We arrived at L&D to be greeted by Dr. D who was starting her shift. She got me set up in triage and started the blood work and monitoring. She told me that, the on call doctor on Saturday the 3rd was one I didn't like. That if I wanted to go home, to come back on Sunday at 830 am when Dr D. came back on call and to tell the them that I was having contractions and Dr. D. would induce me on Sunday the 4th (Superbowl Sunday).

Well it turns out my numbers came back a little high, so Dr. D. said "Tonight's the night!".

I had planned trying to go all natural. With no epidural.

Big Man went down to the car to get our things, Jeopardy was on when Dr. D. came in and ruptured my membranes (Aka broke my water) so it was about 730. By the time she was done, Big Man was back. They got the pitocin going as well.

About an hour later I was 3 centimeters and the nurse came in. She asked how I was feeling. I told her I was a little uncomfortable, and was thinking about getting an epidural. She said that if I wanted one the anesthesiologist was on the floor now and he could do it now, she wasn't sure when he would be back up. There had been several accidents because of the ice.

So I said Sure send him in.

I got my epi and let me tell you it was wonderful. 10 Things I Hate About You came on the TV which is funny because that is one of my favorite movies. Big Man promptly fell asleep. Which kind of upset me, but then I remembered he had been up since 5 am.

When 10 Things ended Dr. D came back in and checked me I was at 5. She said she would be back at midnight. A Knight's Tale came on and I drifted in and out of sleep. When she came back she asked me "Would you be opposed to having a C-Section? You are at the highest level of pit and it is just not doing anything. I know you don't like Dr. X (their practice's on call doctor)".

"I'll take the section."

Dr. D said she would come back and check me at 2 am and if I was still at 5 we would do the c-section. I was like cool whatever.

Well at 2 am I was still at 5. So Dr. D went to go get let them know we would be doing a section. The nurse said she was surprised I was not upset. She said lots of women cry when the C-Section choice is made.

My comment to her was, I have lost one baby. I do not care how this one gets here as long as I get to take her home.

A side note. I know a lot of women have these grand ideas and expectations of child birth. To some it is the ultimate expression of motherhood.

My view on pregnancy and childbirth is skewed. I don't care HOW the baby gets here, drug me and cut me open, push it out of my hoo-haa, WHATEVER. Just as long as I get to go home with a baby. My birth plan will now and forever be, just to come home with a baby. Motherhood is not defined by how the baby got here. In fact some of the best mothers I know didn't give birth to their children, or carry them in their stomachs.

I remember looking at the clock in the OR, it was 230 AM. At 2:37 AM on 2/3/07 my daughter came screaming into the world. After giving birth to a silent baby, that scream was the sweetest sound ever.

You were beautiful.

Even at a day old you were trying to lift your head up and look around. You were bright eyed and alert from the very beginning. You were so special. You still are.

I have big dreams for you Monkey. You are so smart, you could be president, or a great diplomat. With your love of dance (You were dancing before you could walk) you could be a prima ballerina.

I want to give you the world. I want you to conquer it. But most of all I want you to be happy.

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