Saturday, June 19, 2010

Random Thoughts

Tomorrow is Father's Day.

Our family's first Father's Day as a difficult one. I was still mourning the loss of one child, and newly pregnant with the next.

There is a sub-board on the bulletin board I post on devoted to girls with Turner's Syndrome. I look at those pretty girls and I can't help but be sad. Why did our little girl have to have ALL the fatal complications associated with Turner's? Did she deserve the chance to live and have a happy life? I know I say "If we hadn't lost Sara I wouldn't have Mariana". Well while this coping method works for the most part, it doesn't make moments like now any easier. I want to know why my baby had to be sick, why did she have to get taken away. But I know I will never know the answer to this question.

Part of this is the guilt over inducing early. But in the long run I know it was the right choice. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with it.

1 comment:

  1. ((hugs)). the right choice definitely doesn't make it any easier to deal with afterward, especially when it comes to our babies. i think the same thing - why was Calvin fatally affected by ABS? i was willing... hope you are doing okay.

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